The Art of Medical Advocacy
Taking the Power Back
Grab a hot drink, get cozy, and let’s have a real chat.
We know how it feels. You’re sitting in that plastic chair in the waiting room, heart racing, trying to find the “perfect” balance. There is this silent pressure to perform. You don’t want to look too put together, because then they’ll think you’re fine and “functioning.” But you don’t want to look “unkempt,” because then you risk being labeled as lazy or unable to look after yourself.
It is an exhausting, invisible performance we all play just to get basic care. You’re trying to look after yourself the best you can—maybe you even managed to do your hair or put on a nice top today—but that shouldn’t mean your pain is any less real. It’s not okay that we have to fight this hard just to be heard, but until the system catches up to us, we have to be our own best advocates. Let’s talk about how we push them to do their job.
Starting the Conversation (The SBAR Secret)
Starting the Conversation
the SBAR Secret
When you finally get through that door, the 10-minute timer starts. To make sure you don’t lose your train of thought, it helps to have a little mental map. In the medical world, they use something called SBAR. It sounds clinical and a bit scary, but think of it as a way to give the doctor the “highlight reel” of your week so they can’t get distracted.
Try using these phrases to steer the conversation:
- Situation: “I’m here today because my [symptom] is making it impossible to [task].”
- Background: “This has been happening for [months/years], and I’ve already tried [treatment] without success.”
- Assessment: “I can feel it getting heavier/worse because [reason, e.g., I’m losing sleep].”
- Recommendation: “I’d like for us to look at [specific test/specialist referral] today. What is the plan to get this investigated?”
The Gentle Art of Getting Your Way
D.E.A.R.M.A.N
Sometimes, doctors can be a bit… stubborn. When you feel like you’re hitting a wall, there’s a lovely tool called DEARMAN. Think of it as a way to be firm and clear while keeping the “friendly fluff” around the edges so they don’t get defensive.
You Describe the facts (“I’ve been here three times now for this”), Express how it’s affecting you (“I’m really worried about my quality of life”), and Assert what you need (“I need a referral”). The “fluff” is in the Reinforce—letting them know that if they help you now, it prevents things from getting worse later. Stay Mindful of your goal, Appear as confident as you can (even if your hands are shaking!), and Negotiate. If they say “No” to a blood test, ask: “Okay, then what is our alternative plan to find out why I’m in pain today?”
Two Rules You Need in Your Pocket
There are two “magic spells” (well, laws) that have recently come in to help us when we feel invisible.
Jess' Rule
This is for the “hundreds of visits” club. If you go to your GP with the same issue three times and you’re still getting nowhere, they have to stop. They have to do a “Review and Rethink,” look at your history with fresh eyes, and get a second opinion from another doctor in the practice.
Martha's Rule
This is more for when you’re an inpatient in a hospital. If you (or your loved ones) feel like you’re deteriorating and the staff aren’t listening, you have the right to call for an urgent, independent review from a separate team.
Bring Your Coven
You don’t have to go into battle alone. Whether it’s a partner, a best friend, or a fellow member of our community, bring a Body Double.
Having someone else there to take notes or simply say, “Actually, I’ve seen them struggling to walk this week,” changes the whole energy. Your people—your coven—are your best advocates.
If a doctor isn’t working for you, remember: you have the right to see someone else. Getting another opinion isn’t being difficult; it’s being thorough.
Understanding Your Results
Knowledge is power. If you get your blood results back and they look like gibberish, check out Lab Tests Online UK or Patient.info. They explain things in plain English so you can actually understand what’s happening in your body.
A quick word of caution: We love a bit of tech, but be careful with AI-generated medical advice. While it’s great for brainstorming, AI can make mistakes—sometimes even more than doctors do! Use it as a starting point, but always double-check with those trusted medical resources.
You Are the Expert
At the end of the day, you know your body better than anyone with a degree ever will. You are the expert. Looking after yourself—even when it’s hard to find that balance between “struggling” and “looking fine”—is the bravest thing you can do.
You aren't alone in this. We're all in this together, and we’re going to make sure we’re heard.
Love,
