The Support Squad: How to Help a Friend

Goal: Practical advice for those watching someone they love struggle.

The “I’m Worried” Conversation

If you’ve noticed “red flags”—like a friend wearing long sleeves in a heatwave, becoming suddenly withdrawn, or being unusually “accident-prone”—it’s time to talk.

• Use “I” Statements: “I’ve noticed you’ve been a bit quiet lately and I’m worried about how you’re doing.” This feels less like an attack than “Why are you doing this?”
• Ask, Don’t Interrogate: You don’t need to see the wounds. You don’t need to know “how.” You just need to know they are hurting.

How to Be a “Good Friend” (Without Being a Doctor)

• Don’t Force a Promise: Asking someone to “Promise me you’ll never do it again” creates a massive burden of guilt. If they slip up, they’ll feel they’ve failed you and will hide it even deeper.
• Be the “Body Double”: Sometimes the best help is just being there. Offer to sit in the room while they do a mindless task, go for a walk, or help them “crisis-proof” their space by taking the “Destruction Box” home with you for a while.
• Validate the Pain: You don’t have to understand the self-harm to understand that they are in pain. “That sounds incredibly hard, I’m so sorry you’re feeling this way” goes a long way.
• Getting supplies: You don’t need to be wound care trained but helping someone have the resources to care for their physical wounds cleanly and safely can make a difference to their recovery. “What dressings do you prefer? I can get you something from the shop”
• Seeking help: If you are concerned a wound should be seen by a healthcare professional or a situation is escalating quickly, voice this gently: “I am concerned that this is beyond our skill level to care for, maybe a professional should help. I can come with you“

Knowing the Limit

You are a friend, not a therapist. If you feel they are in immediate danger, or if supporting them is starting to break your mental health, it is okay to escalate.

Encourage them to call the Northamptonshire Mental Health Number (0800 448 0828) or offer to drive them to a Crisis Cafe.